Do you externalize your value?

Externalized value comes in various forms. Do you consider yourself a person who externalizes your value? Did any of the references in the video ring true for you?

Is there anything you would like to express, about the pain of your experience with codependency or externalized value? We won’t explore the patterns or the behaviors behind your codependent relationships, so this is a chance to let it go, to write it out, to acknowledge it. This is not a required step. You do not need to address it to move beyond it. This is for the people who need to own or express anything they haven’t acknowledged in the past. If you want to participate, you can write it here or in a journal or say it aloud, and then, after today, you don’t ever need to think of it again.

In this course, we will not explore why you might externalize value or even what originally caused you to do so. I would like to ask you instead, what is your dream? If you could feel valuable, confident, and fully sure of yourself, what would you do in life? Who could you finally be?

In everything I teach, I recommend two things. One is that you do 20 minutes of practice per day. It can be beneficial, but not necessary to do it as the last thing you do before you go to sleep. You can do this by writing in the program or in a journal. If you are living with or especially sleeping with the dependent person in your relationship, and it causes issues, you can do the practice in your mind.

The second thing I recommend is that you engage in the processes of each session for a full week. You may feel anxious to move beyond your current situation, but it won’t help you to rush through the work. The shift will actually come faster and in a more deeply permanent way if you take your time.

This week, I recommend the last few days of your practice be spent sitting in the space of imagining your life beyond externalized value. In the last question, I asked who would you be? Imagine life as that person and create a deeply salient experience of your imaginings. Imagine waking up in the morning. What would be the first thing you would do? Where would you go? How would you spend your day? Be sure to connect with the sensory experience of being this person. How does the world look? Is it brighter? Can you smell the richness of life? Do you interact with people in a different way? Imagine everything you can and describe it, even if it’s in your own mind.

When you are finished, write your most profound realization of the week. What is the most beautiful change you see in this new life? Spend some time articulating your realization below and when you feel complete, you can move onto the next session of the program.