179_Analysis Notes – 12/20/2020

Imagine our story as an opportunity to walk through the subconscious mind of our subject. Imagine all stories are this. Amber’s cabin is as much the culmination of Amber’s life as it is a representation of Linda’s role in life. Every memory or mountainside is representative of something foundational to the person. 

As we’ve wandered through the strengths and weaknesses of our subject’s spiritual growth, we can see how she is willing to see herself as strong in some situations, but can’t comprehend it in others. Confidence is not a baseline for everyone. We shift with the tide. Confirmation bias is like an identity of its own, with its own rules and expectations and when we’re in it, we own the identity like it’s the only thing we’ve ever known.

Linda faces the monolith of her self-loathing. It is a giant piece of coal in the center of her subconscious mind. It is the pinnacle of her reality. To her, she is facing a demon, an attachment that clings to her. In reality, she confronts one of the many faces she owns as her sense of self. She believes she is the monster and she is not entirely wrong. However, it is important that she sees it as separate if she is going to free herself of it.

The human tendency to identify ourselves by even our worst traits is born of the need to have an identity. We cannot live without some sense of self, but what we perceive must be within our comprehension of what’s possible. It is obvious we must believe we can be something before we can live like it. What is not obvious to many is that we tend to believe the worst of ourselves. We live by our limitations.

Seeing our worst traits is not the failure we tend to imagine it to be. Failure is a risk and the primal brain’s primary focus is any threat of death. So, it will turn its eyes toward its limitations and try to overcome them. It’s a healthy approach for primates, but devastation in humans. Our thoughts are too advanced and our imaginations too keen to focus on the worst. Thought multiplies in a complex mind, so one fear becomes a whole mountain of failure. Conversely, a mustard seed becomes the story of our success. The key here is in the focus.

While our subject’s focus seems to be on the limitation, fighting the demon. In reality, she is facing her strength. The negative influence is a single black stone in the middle of an indigenous paradise. She is fighting to see her success, to believe in herself. She is discarding what was to see what might be.

It is a wise battle to have.